It started as a joke. A casual, offhand comment from chat: "Let Poggers try Elden Ring." I laughed. The game was already a soul-crushing gauntlet for actual humans—how could a cat possibly play it?
Then I looked at Poggers.
He was staring at the screen with the intensity of someone who had **unfinished business in the Lands Between.** His blue eyes reflected the ominous glow of the “You Died” screen, as if taunting me. And at that moment, I made the worst decision of my life:
Poggers vs. Character Creation
First things first—Poggers had to create his own character. I placed him in front of the keyboard, fully expecting him to walk away.
Instead, with a casual *boop* of his toe beans, he selected the **Wretch class.** No armor. No weapons. Just a half-naked, confused warrior thrown into a world of relentless suffering.
Chat exploded:
"HE KNOWS." "Poggers chose pain." "This cat is about to 100% no-hit run the game."
We named him **Sir Meowlden the Brave**, a valiant feline warrior who would absolutely, without a doubt, regret everything.
The Tutorial... Did Not Go Well
Upon entering the game, Poggers immediately did what any cat would do—**press random buttons with no concern for their function.**
Within 10 seconds, Sir Meowlden had:
- Rolled off a cliff.
- Swung his fists wildly at a wall.
- Triggered a cutscene by sitting on the spacebar.
Then came the **Grafted Scion.** A boss that even skilled players struggle with.
Poggers’ strategy? **Stand perfectly still.**
The monstrous creature loomed over him, its grotesque limbs twitching.
Chat held its breath.
Then, at the last possible second, **Poggers accidentally hit the sprint key.** Sir Meowlden shot forward like a missile, running straight into the boss’ kneecap.
Instant **death.**
Chat: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Cat vs. Margit, the Fell Omen
Somehow, despite the odds (and my poor coaching), Poggers made it to **Margit, the Fell Omen.** This was it—the real test. Would Poggers rise to glory?
The fight began. Margit roared.
Poggers, upon hearing the terrifying battle music, responded the only way he knew how—
By **jumping on the keyboard and activating every single spell in the inventory at once.**
Flames. Lightning. A spectral sword. **It was complete and utter chaos.**
And yet... somehow... **Margit’s health dropped.**
Chat exploded:
"WHAT IS HAPPENING??" "THE CAT'S A PRODIGY." "Poggers is actually better than me at this game."
Then, tragedy struck.
Poggers, clearly satisfied with his performance, casually **walked across the keyboard.** Sir Meowlden unequipped his weapon. Then he unequipped his armor. Then, **he sat down.**
Margit, unimpressed, yeeted him off the bridge.
Game over.
Final Verdict: Can a Cat Play Elden Ring?
Technically? **Yes.**
Successfully? **Absolutely not.**
But did Poggers **entertain thousands** while doing it?
100% yes.